“I love Wisconsin. I love coming here. I’ve performed here, uh, a lot because I’ve discovered that you people apparently have some sort of federal grant for drinking. You’re insane! You pay less for liquor than anybody I know anywhere else in the country. Nobody pays less for liquor than you. What are you, what are you - ha, HOW? I don’t know if you’re using that farm subsidy money or if you’re just hijacking liquor trucks, but this is fuckin’ insane. Is it volume? It’s unbe-fuckin’-lievable! It’s staggering! I come here because basically, if I spend four days drinking here, even with the plane ticket, it’s cheaper than drinking in New York.

How do you know when it’s New Year’s? That’s the big mystery to me. What’s the difference? I’ve been in bars here, and it’s like New Year’s every fuckin’ night! (Imitating a Wisconsinite) Oh, New Year’s, that when we, uh, drink with hats on.

I’ve been drunker here than anyplace else I’ve ever been in my life. And remember this: You are NOT, you are not alcoholics. You, and, my hat is off to you, you….are professionals.”

(quote ripped shamelessly from Wisconsinology, who doesn’t actually know I’m using this but will find out from the trackback, I’m sure. In the case that he’s upset, let me mitigate the anger by saying I love your site, flasputnik! so please don’t hex me with a Hodag or anything.)

Oh wait, SHIT, it’s Mother’s Day, isn’t it?